Fanfiction, Breaks, and the Return to the Page

ashbesh
Aug 21
2 min read

From Fanfiction to Silence

Before delving into The Chaos Chronicles, I had a love of writing fanfiction. I spent my teens expanding on worlds that many of us watched on television. It gave me an outlet not only to practice and develop my writing in a safe and encouraging environment but also to train my mind to get into the head of my characters. I was so proud of the fans that read my stories, even if now I can not help but shake my head at the corniness of most of it. Then, like so many of us in our teens, life happened, and I stopped writing.

Have you ever stepped away from a passion only to find yourself drawn back to it?

Danny Phantom and My First Obsession

My favorite show to write fanfiction for when I first started was a cartoon from the early 2000s called Danny Phantom. Remember that show? It was about a kid whose parents were ghost hunters and who was part ghost with a will-they-won’t-they romance.

I had always been drawn to romance, and that was a common theme in basically all my writing at the time. Despite my one-toned approach, I learned so much about characters, plotting, and emotions. It also gave me a creative space to put what I, as a reader, wanted to see. I must not have been alone in my vision though, as some of those stories attracted tens of thousands of views over the years, giving me confidence to write more and learn more.

It broke my heart to step away from that space. My safe space. My workshop.

The Lost Years

I never thought I would return to writing after that. Nothing ever felt right anymore, and it killed me. I would have so many ideas for stories or books, and I would start to write them, only to lose the inspiration. Sci-fi, psychological horror, zombie — but I couldn’t get any of them to stick. It felt like my mind was working against me.

The Spark of Chaos

Then one day at work, everything changed. I had been talking about a years-long obsession with the video game series Assassin’s Creed. The ideas started flowing out of me, and I filled a blank piece of paper on both sides with the concept of a female assassin who sneaks her way onto a bachelor-style dating show in order to kill the soon-to-be king.

Yeah, I know, seems silly, but I couldn’t stop scribbling! She was brash, rude, and loud—all the things he hated—but he was drawn to her despite it.

TCOAH went through many, many, many (manyyyyyyy) revisions until I got to where I am now: a female assassin who goes undercover as a baron’s daughter to get close enough to the new King to steal state secrets before she’s allowed to kill him.

It was amazing.